Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Real Life

"Well, it's not actually my goal in life to look 'hot'."

I'll give you one guess as to which job I uttered this sentence at earlier today.

You have two options:

Nannying for two boys ages 5 and 8, or a completely demoralized fine dining restaurant where you're publicly ridiculed for your lack of knowledge on how to operate a bong.

I know what you're thinking. Demoralized restaurant? Okay fine, I'll give you one more guess.

That's right ladies and gents I felt the need to explain this to an 8 year old today. If you were hoping for some sort of glory story, renewed hope in humanity, or a post on the innocence of children please go ahead and hit CTL + Z (or Command + Q for my mac followers) because you will find no such positivity around these here parts for at least a fort night.

I wish I could walk you through the events that led up to this statement, but the steam blowing out my ears is clouding up the room and making it hard to see the computer screen and to find the high amounts of liquor necessary to subdue the horrendous, judgmental and blanketed statements I'm about to make about the state of our society.

Bear with me while I stumble my way through our foggy living room and find some liquor.


Two shots of Bailey's and one terrible shot of some Pumpkin liquor (only half joking, sorry Mom) I am feeling much better. As tempted as I am to try and change the world with a sarcasm riddled, anger filled tangent, I think I'll wait till I'm about 20 posts in before getting up on my high and mighty horse and staying there for good.

Till then, please continue to enjoy the substance-less, humorous (hopefully) happenings of my life and take 10 seconds to pray for 8 year old boys everywhere. Actually scratch that. Pray for my soul to have mercy on them and that I don't release my wrath upon one particular 8 year boy tomorrow. I hear internet privileges are hard to come by in prison.

*I rarely succumb to peer pressure, (Liar liar) but I must dedicate this post to my sister who has plugged this pathetic excuse for a blog multiple times and each time I have failed to deliver any post at all, much less one worthy of her compliments. I hope this run-on filled, angry toned, non-proof read post appeases you. 



    and you did NOT disappoint.

    Love this. Died laughing at 5:43 this morning. Thank you!!!

    I promise to only read it 56 times a day until you post again.

  2. I am not kidding....I poured myself a glass of Bailey's just before clicking on your blog. Great minds? Great souls? See you ~5:30-6pm tomorrow! Can't wait to console my #2 blonde daughter!
    ps FUS playing in the national NCAA D-III Rugby Championships this weekend in....(wait for it)....Denver!! Semifinal game 3pm at Infinity Park in Glendale, CO. DROVES of FUS alum expected! Woo-hoo! Go, Barons!

  3. Grace is right. you did not disappoint.

  4. Ughhh...that pumpkin liquor!

  5. I see you now have 19 followers!!! Sarah says it's been over a month since you blogged, so maybe you will entertain us sooooooooon?

  6. Yes!! we want to know what happened!

  7. If you could just post a few photos with some captions, I'd be satisfied! Or you could get someone to guest blog for you :-}