Friday, March 8, 2013

Tag: Grown-up Style

I thought I might be able to avoid the five-things (clever name) post, but when Jenny tagged me I decided I better get my act together or I won't be able to shamelessly beg to crash on her couch (in exchange for unlimited babysitting) in Italy when I decide to run away from life and live off of coffee and carbs forever. So, here I am with a perfect excuse to talk about myself 
(as if I ever need one).

So without further ado, here goes 5 nothings.

1. I am a color-snob. What does that mean exactly? 
I constantly judge women who look like they have colored their hair platinum blonde. I generally just stare and make a mental note on my hair superiority, but when I'm in Starbucks, ankle deep in blogging and some chick interrupts me to say, "I just HAVE to know where you get your hair done?"
I have no compassion.
Look at my eyebrows lady. 
See how they are the same color as my hair? And not 12 shades of brown like yours? 
This is genetic. You can't have my hair. 
Go away.
It's also winter and you would look better with a nice amber-brown shade anyway.

2. Speaking of my blondness, I didn't always embrace it. In 4th grade I had quite the blow up with my mother about the appropriateness of wearing sweat pants that had the word "bootylicious" written across my derrière. (Guess who was the voice of reason) and threatened to cut off my hair and dye it "The blackest of blacks," (like my soul) if she didn't let me wear them. I can't remember her exact response but I am sure she took the whole thing in stride because she is the classiest of all ladies and knew what a gigantic favor she was doing me. Thankfully for her, I still have my pride, dignity (and blonde hair) in tact.

3. Oh I haven't talk enough about my hair? Too bad we are switching gears. 
This past weekend I ran a half marathon. By the grace of all the running gods to ever exist, this wasn't my first one. However, I learned nothing from previous experience. 
I barely trained and I barely finished. 
I am still mad at myself for the wasted energy I used that produced tears the last mile because it was so painful. 
Thankfully I wiped away the tears in time to get one little picture. 

4. Do you know how it feels to be a sell out?
In a former life (high school) I was vehemently opposed to all things Starbucks. 
I used to talk garbage about the Starbucks Siren who swam around putting hexes on my friends and got them addicted to her sweet, sweet nectar.
That is akin to teasing the devil. You just don't mess around with her.
I now live for Friday mornings when I can walk in, order my "Tall, soy, dirty chai with no whip," and pay five Washington's for two hours of internet and people watching.
Pure bliss.

5. I have extremely frequent dreams about cheese.
 I refuse to go into the nitty gritty here (for now),
but five months ago I went dairy free for health reasons.
I abhor yogurt (unless frozen, mixed with sugar, sprinkled with gummy bears) and almond milk has proven to be a semi-acceptable substitute for udder juice. So it wasn't too big of a life change,
Never in my life have I craved pizza more.
A hamburger? Disgusting without 2 generous slabs of sharp cheddar.
I kid you not when I say I woke up a month ago chewing on my pillow going from absolute ecstasy in dream land, to despair in the real world.

Now run along and tell the world of my troubles. Until next time.

I'm probably setting myself for some sort of chain-blog breaking curse by only tagging two people, but I'll take my chances.

Felicity and Synical Sally

1 comment:

  1. Five months without cheese?! You deserve a trophy or something. Not to get overly personal (but I'm going to anyways, aren't I?), but juuust in case you went dairy-free because of lactose, you should know that there are certain cheeses (like cheddar) that don't contain any lactose. But I'm guessing you've already looked into that because, cheese.

    And I hear you on the hair thing. Someone once asked me (at the ripe, ripe age of eight years old) if I permed my hair. Because clearly only straight hair is natural. I also get to experience the added joy that is people pulling my hair so they can watch it bounce back into place. A real treat, every time.